So somehow we are now halfway through 2020. I’m not entirely sure how, as (like lots of other people) I’m convinced it’s still March. Which is somewhat demonstrated by my lack of blog posts in the meantime. Still, mid-year is a good time to reflect and reset.

The start of my year is pretty well documented, with me running more miles in January than in any month since 2015. February slipped a bit, but I still edged over the 50 mile marker I was hoping to hit.

And then March happened.

One week I was celebrating the latest batch of beginners graduating, with life pretty much as normal, the next week parkrun and club runs were being cancelled, and I was working from home. Soon followed by the kids being home as well.

The change in routine was drastic. Where before the walk to and from school and work meant I clocked up 3 miles of walking a day without trying, now I was walking a couple of metres to my desk, and had no decompression barrier between work life and home life.

The lack of parkrun hit me hardest. Towards the end of last year, when things were a bit all over the place, I promised myself that I would do parkrun every week. That whatever else happened, however I was feeling, it would be my anchor. And then it stopped. But, like lots of other people, I carried on. That first Saturday I headed off at exactly 9 o’clock, because I needed to process the adjustment properly.

By the third Saturday, I’d built up a rhythm and ran my fastest 5k of the year so far. The confidence boost was amazing. I might not be able to run parkrun, but I could make sure that I got fitter and stronger. Get my running back to where I want.

Over the three weeks that followed I got into the rhythm of running. My Saturday Morning 5k had to move to an earlier start time, and then to a different route, because of too many people. But it remained a positive driver in my week. I even managed to get some online workout classes in as well.

And then I crashed.

My body reacts really badly to stress. Up to a certain level I do ok, but sustained high levels of stress just break me. One Monday morning, I sat at my desk and realised I was too drained and exhausted to be sitting up. After spending the rest of the day curled up in bed, I was able to get through the rest of the week, albeit feeling pretty weak.

But when Saturday came round, I knew I had to run. Knew that my stress levels would not be improved by skipping out on my anchor. So I went out, putting no pressure pace, just doing what I felt my body could do. Acknowledging that the main purpose of the run was mental not physical.

After a few weeks of only running once a week, Ben pushed me out for an extra run. Just 2 miles down the road and back, but it was something. Since then my running has been really hit and miss. A few times I’ve run really well and felt like I was on the way back, and then some weeks I’ve been really tired and had to rest.

In January I ran 60 miles, in May I ran just 17. It was still 17 miles though, when it could very easily have been zero.

I’ve been really lucky during lockdown in lots of ways. My job transfers really well to working from home (in fact, I’m now a permanent home worker), and the company I work for have been amazingly understanding about those of us with kids at home. Ben got furloughed a couple of weeks in, which took off a lot of pressure with the kids. And my friends and family have so far managed to stay well.

My goals from the start of the year now seem a lifetime a way. Running a parkrun in sub-25 would obviously depend on parkrun being back, but also I’m currently taking a fair bit over 30 minutes to run 5k. With the right balance of training, and managing my energy levels, that should just be temporary. And as for running a half marathon I’m proud of, I imagine any races at the end of the year are going to be pretty busy, and I don’t think now is the best time to put my body through half marathon training.

So maybe I need some new goals, some new direction. I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that I’ll keep running 5k on a Saturday morning. Because it’s what I do.